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A Lot Ado About Having Sex With Lesbians | Autostraddle

It’s been a large week for homosexual-related first person narratives in liberal-and-feminist-but-mostly-heterosexual journals!

Our very first portion comes to us via xojane, the women’s site oriented right up by Jane Pratt (my hero)

(i am significant) of




Entitled ”
I am a Lesbian Pillow Princess
,” this part falls under the “it just happened for me” element that also existed at JANE journal and is made up largely of writer/reader-submitted records of subjectively interesting personal encounters.

The anonymous author of this portion, who I’ll contact “Ariel,” is actually bisexual, but because she easily provides hit tasks to the woman male associates but does not date or often decrease on women, she is, she describes, commercially, merely a ”


Pillow Princess.” (She in addition relates to herself as “mostly right” and “straight” at various other factors inside narrative.) The woman reputation started, she describes, whenever her basic lesbian hookup — a smokin’ hot dyke called Kelly at the woman college — transpired on the for an hour. She la-la-la-loved it and then straight away fled the world fearing her own inability to do this type of fantastic cunnilingus upon Kelly for such a protracted duration.

She writes:

“of course, word got around that she and that I had hooked up hence I would kept the girl clinging, which had the odd effect of providing me personally folk-heroine standing. Kelly also known as me a “pillow princess,” and henceforth, I happened to be one. It actually was like some form of flick conceit where in actuality the champion is mistaken for a celebrity and gets to drive in a limo and stay in a fancy resort considering it.”

This evidently completely exercised inside her favor, as she romped about in university setting up with lots of “aggressive types which had gotten off regarding proven fact that I was reluctant to try to let a female touch myself.” Post-college, she shifted into net, where she marketed the girl calm condition and quite often found with women for NSA gender.

Nearby the conclusion she problematically clarifies that whenever hooking up with a lady she is not attracted to, she simply closes her sight and envisions somebody else “while [the lesbian] really does the woman thing.” Sometimes it appears like she desires females to consume her away because they can be allegedly much better at it than men are. She


decrease on them but “I am not dating them, and I also do not think I would want my personal fetish corrupted by looking after someone enough to hand back.”

I mightn’t want to sit down close to Ariel on an airplane, but her one-sided sexual activities are consensual and she is simply informing a real story of the woman existence, and so I’m in no way certain things to make of this (and I’m interested to understand what you will be making of it, if anything).

Then, on Jezebel (via
The Good Men Venture
) we have
I Married a Lesbian (and that I’m a man)
. Mcdougal, Hugo Schwyzer, “tended to have crushes for a passing fancy variety of girl: the star baseball user, the football forward, the swimmer. Some had been lesbians. Some just weren’t.” The guy questioned:

What exactly is it that drew myself many times to women who were same-sex drawn? It certainly was not the stereotypical male fantasy with what these people were doing in bed, also it undoubtedly had nothing at all to do with a macho opinion that I could switch a gay girl directly.

In elements, the piece (which really does tred on some stereotypical floor) reminded me personally of your quotation from

Girls Next Door

that I quoted in an article about feminine masculinity

“…if we’d to help make an added generalization about lesbian style, it might be that a lot of us are powerfully attracted to ladies, homosexual or right, gorgeous or perhaps not, who seem as though they could eliminate by themselves.”

The writer ultimately marries a lesbian who introduced as right, and then he discovered their own ensuing love life to-be unsatisfactory. She refused to offer him blow tasks and failed to love penetration but joyfully accepted their offerings of cunnilingus. When their own sexless relationship ended in divorce or separation and a drug relapse (for him), he’s relatively thoughtful to his ex-wife’s battle rather than labeling her as misleading (as much associated with commenters perform):

She had result from a conventional family who does currently deeply embarrassed getting a gay kid. She may have known, but did her far better conceal it, possibly wishing that her feelings might transform. Or she might-have-been like more than a few females i have understood, and just discovered the woman genuine intimate identity after already becoming hitched to a person.

What exactly is redeeming about any of it article to me that the author’s conception of his own gender is mostly without any the conventional male posturing any might count on in an item like this (the guy even means himself as “femmy”). Perhaps it seems that way because guys therefore seldom talk about hoping strong, sports, strong ladies with short hair; but it’s refreshing however.

I don’t fault Hugo or Ariel for telling their unique stories, but it is worth pointing out that both narratives apparently drive on idea that bedroom conduct could be the ultimate/only litmus examination of sex. Hugo and Courtney enjoy one another’s business, but Hugo alludes to Courtney’s disinterest in entrance as a “warning sign” he missed, whenever penetration is barely an entirely heterosexual act (this indicates inclined Courtney dreaded the intimacy of penetration with a guy she did not wish becoming with, yet that knows) and falling in love, in the end, is focused on the snatch but it is additionally regarding the center and it’s mainly about having intimate feelings. Those enchanting thoughts are the thing that turns a hook-up relationship into a relationship, in the end.

At long last at


we now have a nice tale straight from the horse’s mouth area —
My Personal First Time: Female. 17. Bay Area
. I think this is the first-time the “first-time” series features presented a lesbian.

Essentially, in ninth grade, the author confessed to her companion that she had lesbian emotions on her, and her closest friend reciprocated, and proceeded to continue a stealth lesbian relationship and are however collectively today and this woman is a grown-up when you look at the military!

It appears they’ve yet to just take their relationship outside of the wardrobe, and is a bit puzzling, but whatever

. [


: works out this tale ended up being created before DADT was repealed, even though it just adopted printed, thus nothing is puzzling happening here. This is simply straight-up nice in every single way, unequivocally.]

The main focus for the part (that will be extremely cute and nice) is found on the author’s finding of
just what lesbian intercourse is quite

We’d never gone down on every various other, and that I was confident that is what we’d meant as soon as we stated we wanted to make love. (today we recognize that absolutely more to fucking than licking a lady’s pussy and contacting it daily.)

She concludes:

I am aware that many men and women disagree about what virginity methods to a homosexual girl, but virginity is entirely personal, also it truly is determined by who you’re asking. Some individuals might say penetration must be involved, but In my opinion it really is around the individual losing his/her virginity. If I feel I missing my personal virginity, next goddammit, We have!

I invested the vast majority of early morning and afternoon watching word press, racking your brains on just what point i possibly could generate about these parts. I thought a whole lot about why we’d never ever submit “I became a Lesbian Pillow Princess” about internet site but cannot get past the reason that I’d fear 50 people would vow not to go back here additionally the remaning many-thousands of you would fight with each other about bisexual erasure/lesbian erasure till the heating death of the market. We envisioned somebody publishing “I happened to be a Lesbian Pillow Princess” to all of us via email following We envisioned the article meeting in which we’d arrive at that tale as well as say “NO” additionally.

In seeking a time to gleam from all of these stories, i have attempted to determine what you might imagine or state, and that I are unable to, and that I wish to complete this post as quickly as possible to increase the entire process of me personally determining what you believe about these stories. Yup, for the first time since that time starting Autostraddle, I’ve had gotten little idea what to say about a thing. Very possibly I should merely ask you to answer — what’s the reaction to these pieces?

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